i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
