i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
