yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
