I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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