the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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