Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
