im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
