Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
