eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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