Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
