If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
