TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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