If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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