So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize