the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
