I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
