The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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