Me. At least after what I've been through.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh god it's open bar.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
