This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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