Three words: puerto rican gang bang
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My penis needs a shock collar
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
