so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
