i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
