guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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