I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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