Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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