If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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