And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize