what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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