Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize