Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
