got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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