Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize