Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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