Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
