My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's blow job season.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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