I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
