FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
