you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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