Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
