I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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