I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
