oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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