I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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