I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
