Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
