i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize