I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
