I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize