Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
