the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
