I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
