he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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