This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
