Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
love makes seman taste better
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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