he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize