I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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