I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
