worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize