after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
