would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
