Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
