sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she peed on how many people?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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