When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
