I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
