GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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