I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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