We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
