That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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