I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize